How Do I breathe without you....

If I was the same person I was almost 8 months ago I couldn't’t answer that. When I was in relationships, I gave everything I had so that me and that person could grown. But my last relationship has really changed my mind on that. That relationship took a lot out of me mentally. It drained me of my energy and thought process. I am not a good girl turning bad cause I am to sweet for that. I am just a good girl that always gets the bad boy, that real wants a Mr. nice to say hi.

I got hurt badly physically and mentally in that relationship. About 6 months ago when I looked at my face all I saw was the black eye and busted lip, but now I rarely think about it cause I have forgave and that took a lot to do. But I realized if I did not let go of that I could never let go of my past and he would always have a grasp on me.

I had to realize if he really loved me like he said he did he would have never cheated on me, lie to me, or do the other stuff he did to me. I talk to my ex daily because I am still there as a friend and that’s about it. (your probably thinking I still want him, all I want is for him to become a real man so he can grow and see how much your actions can change peoples lives) I could never be with him again cause that trust will never be the same. Yes, I forgave him for what he did but he is not the man that I need to be with or I can grow with. I rather be with someone who is more like me.

I am goofy and I love to make myself and others laugh when they are down but at the same time I love being at my apartment. I feel my guy will love the same things I love. He will understand why I retreat to Barnes and Nobles when I am having a bad day. He will fully know me and not only half of me. Its like I come to realize what I have done wrong in my past relationships and will try to solve those problems before I enter into another.

Sometimes I just think, man are weird....LOL. No one walking on this earth is alike, but some people have similarities. Only thing my ex’s have in common is they are Leo’s, tall, bright skin and like playing video games. And come to think about it I never really chose them, they chose me. Being shy, I was like okay. “You think I am cute and I think you’re cute so lets date.” I am 22 and I really don’t think that worked very well. I remember when I was younger I always wanted to be married before I went to law school or grad school. (never dreamed of the actual wedding, just being married to my husband) How things have changed from my teens.

Thinking right now, I know I don’t want a Mr. Right now or a part time man in my life. I don’t want to go into a dating storm either, for the simple fact I don’t want to bring someone into my life if they are gonna live me six months from now or hurt me emotionally.

I want the next man that walks into my life to be a REAL man. I want him to understand what it truly means to be a man. When I think about a REAL man, I think of my father. He raised my brother, my sister and I. And I personally think he did and AWESOME job being a single father raising three kids and two of them being girls.

My dad and I (Fall break 2006)

I want him to be naturing, loving, goofy, humble, kind, smart, sexy, aware and above everything else a man of God. I rather him be true to himself than be fake just to impress me. Impressing me is loving me for all my flaws. Impressing me is calling me to say hi. Impressing me is making me a "I miss you" card with construction paper and macaroni... Those are the things that will make me fall in love with you over and over when I look into your eyes.